Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
