You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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