i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
