.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
