I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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