I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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