Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
