i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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