What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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