Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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