chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Houston, we have a squirter
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
