My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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