and next time when you feel me up, do it right
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
