when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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