So drunk, too bad you don't want this
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have aggressive nipples.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
