he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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