tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
