i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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