Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
