like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
