If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
