i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
