I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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