using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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