you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
