Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
