Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
