Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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