So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
