I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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