The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
