and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
