You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
