the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
