The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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