I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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