don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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