We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
