God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
