just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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