2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
