Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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