love makes seman taste better
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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