I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He passed out mid-signature
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
