Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
