So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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