at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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