mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
