How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
