the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
