well you can't waste a boner
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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